I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
