what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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