Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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