This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
