I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
