No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
