apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this just has baby written all over it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
ttyl tear gas
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
