U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
