How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
