I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
