remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
