may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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