theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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