Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
