I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
