Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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