textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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