Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
