I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
