He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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