I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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