My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
