I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
