things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
