eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
