If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
