Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have aggressive nipples.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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