I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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