I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
