i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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