I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
