wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
