i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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