Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
