I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
