Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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