I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
