so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
