i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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