did you get engaged???
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
