I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
