You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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