dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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