I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
