I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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