No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
