do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
