Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
