I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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