a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
