My first STD was from a foam party
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
