shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
