i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
