Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
